A Soldier's Secret Read online

  NATALIA HADN’T BEEN TO the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport for a while, but she felt right at home. She loved the hustle and bustle of people going places, people talking and sharing, eating in the airport cafés, dipping into a cup of TCBY yogurt and slurping Starbucks coffee before they rushed to their gates.

  But as comforting as it was, and despite her various relaxation techniques of rolling her shoulders and tensing and releasing muscles, she still felt as jittery as a cat on a wire. And she wasn’t nearly as anxious as Mac, who was fingering the coins in his pocket and pacing back and forth in front of the gate where his son and the woman accompanying him were to deplane.

  “I’m going to run to the restroom for a minute,” she told Mac. Just sitting there was enough to drive anyone crazy. “Can I get you anything on my way back?”

  Still pacing, he was oblivious to her question, so she headed for the ladies’ room, her bladder always a good indicator of her level of anxiety. When finished, she washed her hands then leaned over and splashed water on her face. Seeing herself in the mirror after, she realized how tired she looked.

  Remembering the night, she felt a quick stab of pain for Serena. Never had she seen her friend so devastated. Natalia pulled out her phone to check for messages. She’d texted Cole an hour earlier to see if Serena was okay and if she could do anything to help when she returned, but hadn’t heard back. Still nothing. She shoved the phone into her purse.

  With another swipe at her unruly hair, she went back out, and as she rounded the corner to the gate, she saw them. A dark-haired woman holding on to a child’s hand, and Mac leaning down, apparently talking to his son, who Natalia couldn’t see.

  People coming off the plane filed around them in droves and she decided to stay back and let Mac have his moment to get acquainted.

  She didn’t need to be there. He was the important one. But no sooner had she sat down than Mac turned and waved her over. If there had been a blackout, his smile could’ve lit the whole airport. Thank God.

  Relieved, she smiled back and started forward, and as she got close, Mac picked up the boy and turned around.

  Her stomach swooped. An image clicked off and on. A boy with dark eyes. Dark hair. Hands reaching out. She froze, tore her gaze away. Oh, God. She couldn’t breathe. She gulped air, forced herself to smile, but couldn’t look directly. The images flashed again and yet again.

  “Natalia?”

  Mac’s voice sounded far away, as if in an echo chamber.

  “Natalia? Are you okay? You look pale.”

  Sweat moistened her clothes, and if she didn’t stop it immediately, she’d be lost. Focus. Airport. She was at the airport. “I forgot something,” she mumbled, turning. “I’ll be right back.”

  Covering the distance to the restroom in record time, she stabbed her palms with her fingernails again and again until the pain was all she could think of. She hit the sink and turned on the cold water. Splashing her face again, she saw blood dotting her palms. This was real. The bathroom. The sink.

  “Are you all right, Mrs. MacAllister?” A woman’s voice came out of nowhere, along with a hand on her arm. She turned. The face was familiar…yes. It was the woman who’d accompanied D.J. on his flight.

  Natalia raised a wet hand to her midsection. “I’m sorry. My stomach seems to be upset.” She turned away.

  “Is there something I can do?”

  Focus, Natalia. Stay here. Right here. What had she said? Did she know? Could the woman see her panic—her fear? Her whole body trembling inside?

  “Can I get you something? Some water? An aspirin?”

  Natalia shook her head. Water. Aspirin. She was sick. Yes, that was it. “I—I have something…” Her purse. Pills. Stay. She opened the top of her handbag and dug inside. “Something for indigestion. I’ll see if that helps.”

  Nodding, the woman said, “By the way, I’m Karina Patel. But everyone calls me Kara.”

  Talking helped. Yes. Focus on something else. Good. That was good. “Nice to meet you, Kara. I’m sorry… I’m sure I’ll just be another minute or two.”

  “Okay. Joey has been so eager to meet his new parents, he talked of nothing else all the way here.”

  Natalia bit her bottom lip. Hard. Pain worked.

  The woman patted her arm. “It’s probably just stress. It is a time of joy, but also a time of stress because of so much to do, and worrying if everything will go well. More stress than people realize.” Having said her piece, the woman smiled understandingly and left the room.

  Natalia’s arms shook as she leaned against the sink. The woman’s appearance had given her something else to focus on. That was good. Pure concentration, whether it was flying, her friends, the kids at the shelter, driving or running, keeping busy, keeping total focus on the job at hand, kept her sane. It was the unexpected that caught her off guard. A television show. A little boy’s eyes.

  An innocent child eager to meet his new parents had caught her off guard. She hauled in a few more deep breaths and steeled herself to go back out. Mac’s son was her focus. That was it. She closed her eyes. She could do it, and before long, it would all be over.

  Mac’s brows knitted together when he saw her; obviously he was puzzled by her strange behavior. He’d set the boy down and raised an arm for Natalia to come over. “Hey, sweetheart. You feeling okay now?”

  She tried to smile, but even hearing the fake endearment come tripping out of Mac’s mouth didn’t help her pull it off. “Yes, but I shouldn’t get too close to anyone, just in case.”

  “Well, come close enough to say hi to Joey. That’s a nickname he got because his grandmother called him by his middle name, Josef.”

  The boy peered around Mac’s leg, and though she avoided looking directly at him, it hit her. The shape of his dark eyes and the dimples in his cheeks, visible even without smiling, left no doubt about his paternity. This beautiful child was Mac’s son.

  Her heart pounded, but this time the smile was real when she said, “Hello, Joey.” Willing her hand to stop shaking, she reached out.

  The child wormed his way around to the front of Mac’s leg, but kept contact. “Hi,” he said in English, then haltingly stuck out one hand.

  She clasped it, so small and so defenseless, and her heart melted. Right after, he wiggled back to safety behind Mac’s leg. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a Matchbox car, one of a set she’d bought and left back in the room. “Do you like cars?”

  The boy nodded shyly, his dimples giving away a hint of a smile.

  “Good.” She handed it to him on the flat of her palm. “It’s for you.”

  With that, he beamed from ear to ear, and then, with two fingers, snatched the car from her hand.

  “What do you say, Joey?” the older woman prompted.

  “Thank you,” he dutifully replied.

  Mac laughed and ruffled his son’s short hair. “Okay, after we take a little break for lunch, we have a fun day planned.” He turned to Joey. “Are you ready for some fun?”

  The boy, who’d been looking around, big-eyed with wonder, nodded eagerly.

  Mac looked at Natalia. “Are you up for it?”

  She glanced at the boy, busy spinning the wheels on the car with one finger.

  “Yes, I believe I am.”

  AFTER SPENDING A BRIEF time getting to know one another, they’d planned to have a late afternoon snack at the Rainforest Café, go to the Phoenix Zoo, and then back to the hotel. After cleaning up and resting for a while, they’d have dinner at the restaurant atop the Hyatt, where Joey could see the city lights and all the tall buildings.

  It had already been a tiring day for everyone, and when Joey asked if they could go home now and see his new house instead, they were all a bit relieved. Kara said it seemed as if he was already very comfortable with them, and decided she didn’t need to hang around any longer.

  Once they’d decided to go back home, it didn’t take long to get on the road, but it was late afternoon and would be dark be
fore they arrived. Mac had taken his older car, a Nissan Altima, rather than his truck, so the ride home would be more comfortable, and Natalia offered to drive so Mac could spend more time with his son.

  The offer was quickly declined, and she had a feeling Mac’s macho sensibilities had nothing to do with it. He needed time to get comfortable around Joey, and vice versa.

  Natalia sat with the boy in the back, and as soon as they were out of the city and on the highway, he immediately fell asleep against her shoulder. She shifted around to put a small pillow under his head, but avoided looking at him.

  The sudden flashback had made her nervous. There was no way to know what might trigger another attack. She’d gone for years where the only problems she’d had were nightmares, and when the flashbacks started, a year ago, they were always related to a news story or something where she could easily see the connection.

  Six months ago, when they’d started coming off and on out of nowhere, they were random, and she had no clue what the trigger was. But today she knew. And just thinking about it broke her heart.

  God, she couldn’t let her mind go there, not even for a second. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes, envisioned herself soaring above the clouds. After a while, she felt herself drifting off.

  She drifted for what seemed a long time in a half awake, half asleep state, until she heard Mac say in a soft voice, “Hey, sleepyheads. We’re home.”

  It was dark outside when she pried open her eyes, but the yard lights were on and the veranda was covered with colored streamers and signs that said Welcome Home, Joey!

  “Wow,” she said, nudging Joey a bit to wake him up.

  Mac got out, came around and opened the door for them. “Cole must’ve arranged this,” he said.

  “You think?”

  Joey awoke and sat up rubbing his eyes.

  “Let him get his bearings first,” she said, then put an arm around the boy.

  “We’re home,” Mac said softly. “And it looks like a lot of people are happy to see you. They put up all these decorations.” He lifted Joey from the booster seat and carried him to the front steps.

  The child turned in Mac’s arms, his gaze going from the balloons to the streamers, to the piñata, to the signs. “That’s my name,” he said, pointing to one of the welcome signs.

  “It is. Lots of people are happy you’re here, and wanted to let you know that.”

  “Is this a party?”

  “It’s kind of late for that tonight, but it is a celebration.”

  The blank look on his face said he didn’t understand, but it was obvious he liked all the decorations, especially the balloons. He reached out for a bunch tied to the rail. Natalia unfastened one and gave it to him, smiling when his face lit up.

  Standing on the veranda, Mac fumbled in his jacket pocket for the key. They usually came in through the garage in back and then into the kitchen, but Joey would’ve missed all the decorations if they’d done that. “This is your new home, son. What do you think?”

  Joey laid his head on Mac’s shoulder.

  “I think he’s still sleepy,” Natalia said.

  “In that case, let’s go see your new room. We can look at everything else tomorrow.”

  With that, they hung up their jackets and went upstairs, and Natalia was torn over whether to get the luggage or follow them up.

  Normally, she’d simply go along, but what would Mac want her to do? He’d already said her involvement with the boy should be minimal, but it looked as if he might need her help more than he’d planned. More than she’d planned.

  She followed, but stopped at the door. Mac had put Joey down and he was looking at the memorabilia on top of one dresser. He shuffled from one thing to another, then stood by the bed, just staring.

  “A lot of this was mine when I was a kid,” Mac said. “But we can make it look however you want.”

  The child gazed up at Mac, his big eyes getting even bigger, and all of a sudden his mouth puckered, and in a small voice, he said, “I want to go home.”

  Oh, God. He looked so small and so alone, and Natalia knew exactly what he was going through.

  She’d felt the same way when her parents had deposited her in a strange room in a new land and then left her by herself. Only there had been no toys, just a bed and a dresser. She’d cried herself to sleep that night, and many more. Not because she didn’t want to be there, but because everything familiar was gone.

  “I’ll be right back,” she said, then dashed down the stairs and to the car. Grabbing his small suitcase, she ran back up upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. She set the suitcase on the bed and opened it.

  Immediately, Joey came over, dug around in it and pulled out a blanket, and then a small cardboard box. He sat on the bed with both the blanket and the box in his lap.

  Mac just stood there as if unsure what to do. Quickly, she sat beside the boy. “That’s a nice blanket. I used to have one, too,” she lied.

  He touched the worn, silky edge. “It’s from when I was a baby,” he said. “I don’t use it anymore.”

  Right. She glanced up, and with the hand Joey couldn’t see, motioned for Mac to sit down on the bed, too. He waited a moment, then sat at the end on the other side.

  “What’s in the box, sweetie?” Natalia asked gently.

  He grabbed on to it and held it tightly, then shook his head.

  She looked at his suitcase and the few belongings inside. Some pajamas, a couple pairs of pants, shirts, underwear and two pairs of socks, all neatly arranged. She realized that for now, they’d better stick with the familiar and forget the new clothes they’d bought. There was plenty of time for that later.

  “Well, it is getting late,” she said. “How about you put on your pajamas and then Ma—” She stopped, realizing she didn’t know what the boy would call Mac. “Once you’re ready for bed, you can pick out a book and your father can read you a story.”

  The boy perked up, signaling his approval, so she handed him his pajamas, got up and walked to the bathroom across the hall, readily visible from where he sat.

  “I’ll put your toothbrush here on the counter and you guys can wash up and get ready whenever you want. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

  She started to leave, but stopped when Joey said, “Can you come back when we read?”

  Her heart pounding, she hesitated. But seeing the expectation in his eyes, she said, “Sure, sweetie. I love stories, too.” And then she bolted down the stairs and out the front door into the cool, crisp air, practically ripping open the top buttons of her sweater the second she was outside.

  Standing on the veranda, her pulse racing, her skin moist with sweat. What the hell was she doing?

  Mac didn’t want her getting involved. She was there because he’d asked her to help him until he got custody, but that didn’t mean horning in on his time with his son.

  But how could she say no to a little boy who wanted both his new parents to be with him?

  She stayed there for a few more moments, then went to the car and brought the rest of the luggage into the house. As she shut the front door, Mac came into the living room.

  “He’s asleep. I helped him get washed up, and the minute I started reading, he dropped off.”

  She nodded. “Good. It’s been a long day for him.”

  “Yeah. For us, too. How about something to drink?”

  “I’d love a glass of milk.”

  “Come with me, then,” Mac said. Once in the kitchen, he got out the milk and poured them each a glass. He handed her one and then held his up for a toast. His eyes seemed to soften as he looked at her, his pupils dilated, growing dark and unreadable. His mouth edged up at the corners in the beginnings of a smile. “To you, Natalia. You’re an amazing woman.” He clinked his glass against hers.

  He was dead serious. Mac was never serious with her and it caught her by surprise. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  “It was my toast. You don’t have to say
anything.”

  She looked down, brushed some lint from her jeans. “I felt like I might have overstepped some boundaries tonight, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

  “You were wonderful. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.”

  Averting her gaze, she sipped her milk. “Yes, you would. You’d have handled it just fine. I shouldn’t have taken over. I should have let things happen naturally.”

  “They did. That’s exactly what happened. I had no clue he needed something of his own. It never occurred to me.” Mac took some Oreo cookies out of the cabinet and offered her one.

  “It would have.” She accepted a cookie and went over to the sectional in the family room to sit. Mac set the cookie bag and his glass on the burnished-metal coffee table and went to start a fire in the fireplace. “I doubt it. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think women just know some things that men don’t,” he said. “Intuitively.”

  “Well, there’s something we can agree on.” She laughed.

  Once he’d lit the fire, he picked up his glass and a cookie and sat next to her. As he turned to face her, he said, “I was worried about you at the airport today. What was going on?”

  Natalia’s blood rushed to her face. “Oh…” She waved a hand. “Nothing. It was nothing. Maybe stress. Kara said a lot of people get stressed out during exchanges. She said it’s very common, all the waiting and the details and the expectations…” And if she didn’t shut up, he was going to know it wasn’t nothing. “Anyway, my stomach felt a little upset. It didn’t last long.”

  He scratched his head, his expression even more quizzical as he watched her talk. Oh, boy. He didn’t believe her.

  “I should call Tori to find out who did all the decorating, and thank them,” Natalia said quickly. “Cole texted me earlier to say Serena was resting today, so I don’t want to call and disturb them.”

  Mac leaned back, arms behind his head. “Why is it so hard for you to accept a compliment?”

  She turned. “What? I—I don’t…” Shaking her head, she said, “Where’d that come from?”