A Soldier's Secret Page 22

  Even as thunder rolled in the distance, she forced herself to stay in the moment. Mac and Joey, Serena’s wedding. What had Serena said about Mac and her being in love? Natalia was in love. But Mac wasn’t in love with her.

  A bolt of lightning stabbed the earth in front the helo. Bombs exploded all around her. An insurgent jumped out of nowhere, his gun raised toward her face. She shrieked and dived to the floor, curling into a ball, her heart clanging against her ribs as she covered her head with her arms. Not real. Not real.

  But even as she fought against it, the present blurred with the past until there was no going back. Cold fear seized her chest. She had to get away, escape. Clutching the blanket, she groped for the latch, shoved open the door with her foot and, holding on to the metal bar at the base of the door opening, rolled out of the helo.

  Her legs splashed into icy water up to her thighs. She stumbled sideways, catching herself before she could go down. Lightning slashed the air again, and in that one brief second of light, she saw a path at the edge of the stream.

  Her gun. Where was her gun? Gone. Cover. She had to take cover. If she stayed here, they’d come. They’d capture her, torture her.

  She bolted for the path, sloshing through freezing water, her lungs aching. Rain pelted her face. Tripping, falling… Now on solid ground, running and running… Can’t breathe. She crashed against something hard. Pain. Wind knocked out of her. She couldn’t see, just outlines, a boulder, more rocks and crevices—places she could hide. Wet, cold.

  Feeling her way, she found a wide crevice. A hole big enough to hide in. Oh, God. Thank God. Her heart slammed against her ribs as she crawled inside and pulled the blanket around her.

  Shivering, she listened…and waited. Stay awake. She had to stay awake to protect herself until her unit came. Don’t sleep. Can’t sleep.

  “NOTHING,” MAC SAID over the noise as he hung out the side of the chopper. Though it wasn’t yet sunrise, a golden glow low on the horizon offered just enough light for them to get started. Ray Sandusky, one of the pilots Natalia knew from the Grand Canyon Helicopter Charters, had heard about the search, and offered his aircraft to help find her.

  Mac had lain awake all night worrying and praying that Natalia was okay, but the more time that passed, the more he knew the odds weren’t good.

  Joey had been worrying, too, even though he didn’t know anything other than his mommy wasn’t there. Mac didn’t see the point in telling him the details because then he’d feel even worse. But the boy must’ve sensed something was wrong, and had come into Mac’s room in the middle of the night, wanting to know if Natalia was really coming back. He’d slept in Mac’s bed after that, but Mac himself had hardly slept an hour. He’d ended up calling Mrs. Anderson to get Joey off to school because he couldn’t wait any longer to start searching.

  Mountain Air dispatch knew where Natalia had been headed, but in the storm, she could have veered off anywhere, so they’d had to widen their area of search. The ground crews had started out already, and droves of volunteers were on their way. The number of people who’d offered to help was amazing, and Sheriff Masterson had rounded up every possible badge he could find within a hundred miles and then some.

  “What?” Ray listened to a call coming in, then pointed directly ahead. “A civilian pilot heading to Flagstaff from the north reported spotting something near a stream about five miles northeast of us.”

  Mac’s stomach clutched. “What did he see?”

  Ray shook his head. “Something in the middle of the creek. Keep looking.”

  Mac’s heart skipped a beat.

  Veering the chopper off to the right, Ray said, “I’ll skim the trees so you can get a better look.”

  They made one pass over the stream, then another, but all Mac saw were a few coyotes, reminding him that the national forest was filled with predatory animals. Bobcats, bears and wolves had been known to attack hikers and campers who didn’t take precautions. Nights could be bitterly cold in the mountains, and an injured person would be easy prey.

  He saw a flash of yellow between the trees. “There,” he said, pointing ahead. “I see something.” As they made another pass, Mac sat rigid, his body tense with anticipation.

  They were on the north side of the mountain, and it was still difficult to see, but coming around again, he yelled, “That’s it. We got her!”

  “Okay,” Ray said. “Let’s put ’er down.”

  Once they landed and Mac saw that the Mountain Air helo wasn’t damaged, he heaved a sigh of relief. He bolted from the plane and waded through the stream, fully expecting Natalia to jump out of the helo to meet him.

  But she didn’t, and when he got there, the cockpit was empty. Every fear he’d had earlier came roaring back. His whole body trembled as he stared into the cabin.

  Everything seemed perfectly normal. But there was no trace of Natalia.

  Ray had cut the engine and come over. “What the heck?”

  “Yeah. Why would she leave the safety of the aircraft? And when did she leave?” He glanced around, scanning for some clue. Toward the side of the stream he saw what looked like a path, and something orange in the bushes. He slogged over, pulled the bushes apart and saw Natalia’s flight helmet.

  He swung around. “Natalia!” he called out. “Natalia!” He waved at Ray. “There’s a path. I’m going to follow it.”

  Ray nodded and waved back. “I’ll wait here in case…someone comes.”

  The trail was overgrown and littered with rocks and dead branches. The tall pines blocked the sun, making it darker and darker the farther he got from the stream. The fact that she’d landed the chopper safely buoyed his hopes that everything was okay. But why on earth would she wander away from the aircraft?

  One of the first rules of survival in the woods was to stay in one place. Natalia was a pro. She knew those tactics better than anyone. What possible reason could she have had for leaving her helo? And why would she ditch her helmet? Come daylight, she could fly out again safely. And that made him realize something was seriously wrong.

  “Natalia!” He called again and again. “Natalia!”

  He forged ahead, but kept looking back to make sure he didn’t get off course himself. It was all too easy to get turned around in places where there were no markers and everything looked the same. A person wandering could go miles in any direction, which made the first forty-eight hours of any rescue critical.

  Just as he was taking his GPS out of his pocket to check the direction, he looked up and saw Natalia standing in a clearing ahead, her hair scraggly, her face scratched and her clothes wet and dirty.

  His heart leaped to his throat. “Natalia!” he called out, and bolted toward her.

  But she just stood there, staring. Staring as if she didn’t know him.

  “Thank God,” he said as he reached her and pulled her into his arms. “Thank God you’re okay.” He held her at arm’s length.

  She didn’t move. Didn’t even blink. Then, as if suddenly becoming aware, she wound her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. Her body trembled and she began to cry.

  He wrapped her tightly in his arms, stroked her hair. “It’s okay. You’re okay now. And we’re going home.”

  He didn’t know what was going on with her, but recognized shock when he saw it. Reaching down, he picked her up and carried her back to Ray’s helo.

  “We need to radio Mountain Air dispatch to get someone out here to pick up the helo,” he told Ray. “She’s not in any condition to fly.”

  Mac sat in the back with Natalia, holding her in his arms all the way back to Love Field and the Mountain Air office, where he’d left his car. When they landed, local television reporters swarmed on them, peppering Natalia with questions about what had happened. He waved them away saying she would comment after she had a chance to be evaluated by a physician.

  “Thank you,” Natalia muttered, when he managed to get her through the crowd and into his car. But she was silent the res
t of the way home, huddled against the door on the passenger side.

  When they reached the house, he said, “Joey is at school now, but he was really worried about you, too. He’ll be glad to see you’re okay.”

  She turned. “How is Joey?”

  “Good. We had a small breakthrough yesterday. He was worried about you, so we talked…and…I think it helped. He seems to be coming around a little.”

  She didn’t make a move to get out of the car, so he came around to open her door and helped her, leading her inside with one arm around her waist.

  “How about a nice warm shower or a bath?” he said. “And I need to do something about those scratches.”

  Nodding, she simply followed along, and as they reached the bathroom, he could see that she wasn’t going to do this on her own. “Why don’t you lie down for a while and I’ll put something on those wounds.”

  He led her into his room, placed her on the bed, got out a robe and handed it to her. “Can you do this?”

  Again she nodded.

  “Okay, I’ll get my medic bag and be right back.”

  As he was going out the door, she said, “Thank you.”

  He tried to smile, but couldn’t muster much of one. Something had happened on that mountain, and if he was going to help her, he had to know what it was.

  When he came back, she had the robe on and was lying down, staring at the ceiling. He took out his supplies, some cleansing pads, antibacterial ointment and a few gauze bandages. He went into the bathroom, ran some warm water and came back with a wet washcloth. He washed her face, cleaned the scratches and put on some ointment. Then he examined her arms and legs and did the same, gently rubbing ointment on each cut and covering the ones that looked the worst.

  When he’d finished, he washed up, put on a robe, crawled into bed and held her in his arms until she fell asleep.

  NATALIA AWOKE WITH A start, then realized she was in Mac’s room, in Mac’s robe. She was safe. Safe and secure.

  But right on the heels of her relief, her gut seized. What was she going to do? She’d had a major episode. One she hadn’t been able to come out of. And Mac was going to want to know everything that had happened.

  She couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t tell anyone.

  Hearing voices outside, she got up and went to the window. Mac and Cole were sitting at the picnic table, each with a beer in hand, and Joey was kicking a ball around the yard. She glanced at the clock. It was four o’clock. She’d slept the whole day.

  She got up, showered and washed her hair, and put some more ointment on her cuts. She pulled on a pair of jeans, a black turtleneck shirt and her black ankle boots. By the time she finished dressing, Cole had left and Mac and Joey were inside. She could hear cartoons on the television in the family room and smelled something cooking in the kitchen.

  Apparently hearing her come downstairs, Joey rushed over, all smiles. “Hi, kiddo,” she said, then leaned down and gave him a hug. “I missed you while I was gone.”

  He beamed. “You can watch cartoons with me if you want,” he said.

  Her heart swelled. “Thank you, sweetie. That sounds like fun, but I have to talk to your dad for a few minutes first. Then I’ll come in and watch with you.”

  “Okay,” he said, and headed back to the TV.

  She went into the kitchen. Mac was at the table thumbing through a book. He looked up when she came in. “Hey!” He got up and wrapped an arm around her. “How do you feel?”

  She shrugged. “Good. I shouldn’t have slept the whole day, though.”

  He went back to the table. “Going through what you did the past two days, you needed it.” He held out a chair for her to sit.

  She went to the fridge first and got out a bottle of water, then sat in the proffered chair. “Something smells good.”

  “It’s just a macaroni and cheese casserole. Someone told me all kids like macaroni and cheese.”

  Nodding, she said, “That’s what I hear.”

  He placed his hand over hers. “You scared me, Natalia. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.”

  “Scared?” Mac didn’t scare easily, so she wasn’t sure what he meant. She shook her head. “What? Do you mean because I wasn’t here for the meeting and you were scared that it wouldn’t go well?”

  He looked at her incredulously. “No. I wasn’t happy about that, but when I found out why, I was scared because I thought I might lose you.”

  If she’d been struck by lightning, she couldn’t have been more surprised. “Lose me?”

  “Yes. I know this might seem like a strange topic of conversation before dinner, but I need to say some things and I think it has to be now.”

  “Okay.” She leaned back in the chair.

  He cleared his throat. “After we made love, I started thinking about a lot of things. Like how well we get along, and how close we are, and it was a real awakening for me. I realized how much I care about you, and how attached Joey is, and I started thinking about what it would be like to be together even more.”

  “If you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting…”

  “What?” He gazed at her probingly. “What do you think I’m suggesting?”

  “Never mind.” She pushed her chair back to get up. “I told Joey I’d come and watch cartoo—”

  Mac slapped a hand over hers, holding her in place. “I was telling you how much I care about you, that I’ve never been so scared in my life that I might lose someone I cared about that much. And when I found you, I finally realized what’s been going on, and I feel like such an idiot for not seeing it before.”

  She jerked her hand away, shoved herself to her feet. “It’s not what you think. Not what you think at all. I’m fine. I got caught in a storm and lost contact, but I brought the aircraft down safe and sound. I had everything under control. I have everything under control.”

  “No, Natalia. You don’t.”

  “And you don’t have any idea what’s going on with me. You’re not inside my head and you can’t possibly know. You don’t know what it’s like to know that if you screw up in any way, you’ll be stripped of everything you worked for.”

  He stood, turned to look out the window.

  She felt as if she’d been sucker punched. Tried to catch her breath, but couldn’t. Finally, she pulled herself up, managed to fill her lungs, and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you in this position. I know you have to report me, and I can’t blame you for that.”

  He swung around, his face a road map of anger. “Can’t blame me? Natalia, I’m concerned about you, about your mental well-being. I’m concerned about Joey and all of us together. I’m concerned about the lives you’re putting in danger because you can’t admit you have a problem. I don’t give a rat’s ass about whether you can fly or not, and I’m not going to report you to anyone. That’s up to you. You need to get help and you need to pull back from flying on your own. I want to help you because I care about you, but no one can help you if you won’t admit the problem and take that first step yourself.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. She felt as if all the blood had drained from her body, leaving her an empty shell of skin and bone. Not realizing she had a problem wasn’t her problem. She’d realized that a long time ago. It was the future that she couldn’t face if anyone else was to find out.

  She couldn’t keep her bottom lip from quivering when she said, “Flying is my life. It’s all I know. If I can’t do that, then I have nothing.”

  He walked over and took her hands. “That’s not true. You can run the rescue service without flying, but that’s your decision. I’m not going to ask you to do anything, except please don’t hurt Joey.”

  Words lodged in her throat. “I would never do anything to hurt him. I’ll stay until you think he’s going to be okay.” She looked away. “And then I’ll leave.”

  Scrubbing a hand over his face, Mac sighed deeply. “He’s waiting for you now.”

  Waiting. Joey was waiting. Her
mind spinning, she stood there for a moment, wanting to leave, but unable to move.

  “Oh,” Mac said. “One more thing. I called your parents.”

  The hair on the back of her neck prickled. “You what?”

  “I thought they should know.”

  She shook her head, suddenly shaking.

  He looked at her apologetically and shrugged. “I thought—”

  “You thought what?” She narrowed her eyes. “You had no right to do that. No right at all!”

  A momentary look of shock gave way to steely determination. Shoulders back, he said, “Well, I did. I was worried. More worried than I’ve ever been. And as a parent, I knew I would want to know. So I called them.”

  Her anger dissolved instantly, but her emotions felt so out of whack she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. After a moment, she filled her lungs with air and said, “And?”

  His brow furrowed and he seemed to have difficulty meeting her gaze. “They were going to fly out, but when I called and told them you were okay, they said they’d wait for another time.”

  Tears blurred her vision and she turned away. But then she had no reason to think they’d behave any other way. “Another time” meant never. As much as she’d have hated to call them for financial help to buy Mountain Air, she’d still held some small hope that they cared, and knowing how much the business meant to her, maybe, just maybe, they’d come around.

  God, she’d been stupid. So very stupid.

  She went to watch cartoons with Joey.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  NATALIA SMOOTHED THE front of her bridesmaid’s dress and waited for Serena to finish in the bathroom, so she could help zip up her wedding gown.

  The last two days had been awkward. Ironically, the first thing the next day, she’d received a call that her small-business loan had been approved, but her joy had been blunted by the decisions weighing heavily on her, not only what to do about her problem, but also what to do about leaving Mac and Joey. She couldn’t tell Mac about the loan approval, because she knew he’d ask what she planned to do. So they went through the motions, carrying out their duties as matron of honor and best man for Cole and Serena’s wedding, both of them ignoring the elephant in the room.